Sideline Etiquette and Post-Game Conversations: Empowering Your Athlete
As parents, you play a vital role in your children’s athletic journeys. The nature of your support has the power to fuel joy and passion or extinguish it. How you handle yourself in the bleachers has a profound impact on your children’s performance. More importantly, what you say and do powerfully influences their overall level of happiness and well-being. And let’s not forget about family harmony. In this article, you’ll find key strategies for:
- modeling positive sideline etiquette
- fostering empowering post-game discussions
- cultivating growth mindset in your athlete and YOURSELF.
Sideline Etiquette: Yes…there is such a thing.
When you’re watching your children compete, emotions can run high. Whether it’s jubilation or frustration, how you handle your emotions and reactions on the sidelines matters. And yes, there is a right and a wrong way to do it. Here are some guidelines to ensure your presence enhances your child’s experience:
- Cheer, Don’t Coach. Let the coaches do their job. Yelling instructions from the sidelines can overwhelm your children, distract them from focusing and worse, embarrass the heck out them. Just. Don’t Do. It. Instead, offer positive encouragement that supports effort and teamwork, such as Great hustle! or I see you working!
- If You Can’t Say Something Nice, Don’t Say Anything. Avoid criticizing players, referees, or coaches. Negative comments create a toxic environment for everyone. Remember, children watch how their parents respond to setbacks and challenges, and they often mirror those reactions.
- Focus on Effort, Not Outcome. Celebrate effort and progress rather than just wins or losses. Acknowledge hard work, resilience, or a specific skill demonstrated during the game. This shifts the focus to growth rather than perfection.
- Be Respectful. Show respect to everyone involved—players, coaches, officials, and other parents. Good sportsmanship on the sidelines sets the standard for how your children will behave on the field and off.
- Don’t Criticize Coaching Decisions. It’s tempting to question playing time or second-guess a coach’s strategy, especially if your athlete is on the bench. However, openly criticizing coaching decisions can undermine children’s respect for their coaches and creates unnecessary tension. Instead, model patience and trust in the process, emphasizing that every player’s role contributes to the team’s success.
Post-Game Conversations: Building Confidence and Resilience
Quality of communication significantly influences how your children perceive their performances, which greatly impacts their levels of confidence and motivation. Be aware of what you say after games and practices, including how you say it and your body language. Here are some tips for post-game conversations that encourage self-awareness and empower them to take ownership of their development:
- Start with Love and Support. Begin the conversation by letting your children know you’re proud of them simply for showing up and competing. I love watching you play, is a powerful statement and reminds your children and YOU that their worth isn’t tied to performance.
- Ask Open-Ended Questions. Instead of jumping into your own observations, let your child reflect on his performance. Ask questions like:
What did you enjoy most about today’s game/practice?
Can you tell me about three things that you think went well?
What’s something you want to work on next time?
- Car Ride Critique. If I had a nickel for every athlete who dreads the car ride home, I’d be very wealthy. The car ride home is NOT the time for a play-by-play breakdown. Children are no different than adults. They need space and time to decompress, especially if they’re upset or frustrated. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply be quiet and let them process.
- Reframe Mistakes as Learning Opportunities. Help your child view mistakes as a natural part of growth. For example, instead of saying, You didn’t get a hit today. What’s going on? try, You had some great at bats today. How do you feel about your swing?
- Celebrate Small Wins. Point out specific things your children did well, no matter how small. Did they show great effort, teamwork, or sportsmanship? Highlighting these moments and celebrating small victories builds confidence, clarity and motivation, which reinforces growth mindset.
- Emphasize Long-Term Net Gains. Remind children that every practice and game is part of a bigger process. Progress takes time and improvement is more important than immediate results. Statements like Small improvements add up to big breakthroughs… keep pushing! can help them see the big picture.
Cultivating a Growth Mindset: Start with Yourself
Growth mindset is the belief that abilities and skills can be developed through effort, learning, and persistence. Cultivating growth mindset in your children starts with modeling it yourself. Here’s how you can shift your own mindset to help support theirs:
- Focus on Effort Over Talent. Instead of focusing on results and natural ability, praise hard work and perseverance. For example, say, I’m really proud of how hard you work! rather than, You’re so talented!
- Reframe Setbacks and Mistakes. Model resilience by framing mistakes and setbacks as opportunities to improve instead of failure. For instance, Mistakes are part of sports, what can you differently next time to avoid making the same mistake?
- Check Your Own Reactions. Be mindful of how you react to mistakes, losses, or challenges. And this includes both verbal and non-verbal cues. If you’re visibly upset or overly critical, it’s easy for your child to adopt the same mindset. Instead, stay calm and encouraging, focusing on what can be learned.
- Never underestimate the power of YET. When your child expresses frustration about not mastering a skill, use YET phrases. For example, You haven’t mastered that pitch YET, but with practice, you will. Or I know you aren’t where you want to be YET, but you’re getting better every day.
- Share Your Own Growth: Talk about times you’ve faced challenges and how you worked to overcome them. Sharing your own experiences normalizes struggle and reinforces the idea that improvement takes effort.
Common Pitfalls to Avoid
- Overloading with Feedback. Too much advice at once can feel overwhelming. Keep your comments brief and focused on one or two key takeaways. It helps to remember you’re the parent, not the coach. Leave the coaching to the coaches. If you happen to be the coach, leave the coaching for the field, court, gym etc.
- Living Vicariously Through Your Child. Remember, this is your child’s athletic career, not yours. Support your child’s goals and passions, even if they’re different from your parental aspirations. Keep in mind it doesn’t matter what you believe they’re capable of achieving. It matters what they believe.
- Comparing Them to Others. Avoid comparing your children’s performance to teammates, siblings, or opponents. Instead, focus on their individual progress and effort.
- Openly Criticizing Coaching Decisions. Questioning why your athlete isn’t playing or disagreeing with a coach’s strategy sends the wrong message. It teaches your children to focus on what’s out of their control rather than what they can do to improve. Never criticize. Instead, encourage your children to be patient and practice good sportsmanship. This inspires trust in the coach’s judgment, fosters growth mindset and helps them channel frustration and disappointment into positive energy.
Managing Parental Anxiety: Seeking Support When You Need It
If you’re struggling with managing anxiety over your role in your child’s athletic journey, you’re not alone. Don’t hesitate to reach out for advice and guidance. A mental performance coach can provide valuable insights and tools to help you navigate the highs and lows you experience. One of the best things you can do for your your athlete is to improve the quality of YOUR mindset. When you shift to a growth mindset, you learn to manage emotions effectively. You’ll be equipped to handle the highs and lows of competition and provide the positive, supportive environment your athlete needs to thrive. The quality of YOUR mindset plays a significant role in shaping your children’s athletic experiences and how they navigate all of life’s challenges.
Final Thoughts
Your role is to be your child’s biggest supporter, both on and off the field. Positive sideline etiquette and empowering post-game conversations provide opportunities to foster confidence, resilience, and love for sports that goes beyond the scoreboard. Athletic careers—even for the most talented—eventually come to an end, but the relationship you build with your children lasts a lifetime. Your words and actions have a lasting impact—choose them wisely…make them count.
About the author of this article: Antoinette Datoc is a certified Mental Performance Coach who specializes in helping athletes, their parents and coaches cultivate growth mindsets and mental strength. She is a competitive ballroom dancer and together with her partner (who happens also to be her husband) has accumulated 17 national championship titles and represented Team USA in three world championship events.
